The other day, my family and I went to a night of worship at our church and as we were standing there, singing, I started to become overwhelmed with emotion. I am not often overcome with emotion during a worship service. I enjoy the presence of God, and love feeling His power. But this time, it was different.
I began asking God what He wanted to speak to me, because I felt I was on the verge of hearing His voice clearly. It was a struggle for a bit. My mind kept getting in the way and I had to fight back thoughts that just weren't what He was trying to speak.
Then as a song (I can't even remember which one) started to play and the singers began to sing again. I settled into a pose of worship and just let myself "float" in His presence. Then I heard these words,
"Be a woman of God. My anointing is resting upon you. Act like it. Don't want for something to happen. BE the something that happens."
Wow. I know that God has a plan for my life. I know He has given me a vision for something to come in the future and I had sort of been just sitting around going, "Well, I've struggled being a Christian for the past 4-5 years. I need to have a deeper relationship with God. Well, I don't know anyone who can even help me get to where I feel God wants me. Well, I am so busy with my three kids. Well, I don't have the time. Well, I don't have the money."
Well, well, well, well.
It was all excuses to just wait.
Sometimes we want to wait for anything and everything to do what God has called us to do, because it seems impossible. That is the case with me! The vision I have seems insurmountable! I am still at a loss of how God is going to do this. But if it is His vision (and I honestly feel deep in my soul that it is!) then He will make a way. I don't have to question or wonder, or wait! I just need to pursue Him and His heart and He will show me the how, when and where.
Monday, April 7, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
No Shame
Lately, I've been laying in bed at night, tossing and turning with thoughts roaming throughout my mind about life. Life can be so complex, yet so simple, day to day.
But one thing that has really been heavily weighing on my mind is the world of Christianity and Jesus. It seems more and more that people are turned away from Christianity because, in their words, of the hypocrisy and hate. I, myself, have struggled with different issues amongst the Christian world, but fortunately, I've had my parents and a few rare friends that have been there to reboost my faith in Jesus and the people He calls His own.
It all started when I got pregnant with my oldest son. I was unmarried, young, no idea of what I was doing and struggling with my walk with Jesus. I won't mince words; I wasn't sure God even existed at the time. I think, in the back of my mind, I knew Jesus was real, but somewhere inside myself, to be honest, I don't know if I wanted Him to exist. I grew up in a community where it seemed hard to serve God. If I made a mistake, I was going to hell, etc. I don't want to elaborate on that, because that is a story for a different time. But in my mind, God was hard to please. God had no grace for sin, and most of all, it was "hard" to gain forgiveness from Him. That was my perspective!
So when I got pregnant with my son, I didn't want to tell anyone, because I knew the judgement would flow in, and I knew that what I'd done was wrong in the Christian world. I didn't want to face it. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of myself, my baby and the inappropriate relationship I had with my boyfriend, who is now my husband! The shame was overwhelming. I wanted to curl up in a ball and never open my eyes again. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to go away from everyone and just ignore the fact that 99% of my friends were Christians and I knew I'd be judged harshly.
I won't make it look pretty, or make excuses for myself, and what I did. It was wrong. But it's apart of my testimony. I had a few friends that have accepted me and loved me through my failures and it has moved mountains in my life. I don't think they even know the complete impact they've had me and my faith in God through all the struggles. As I've traveled through life since getting pregnant, I've seen God orchestrate something beautiful and I'm sure there's a lot more beauty He is going to reveal through my story. I've been able to talk to and encourage several young mothers who were single, pregnant and struggling. I've been able to encourage them and tell them my story. I've seen beauty rise from ashes. What satan meant for evil, God has changed around for good. Maybe it wasn't His perfect plan for me, (I know it wasn't!) but as I've allowed Him to change my heart through the situation, He's changed my testimony from darkness to light, from ashes, to glory, from sin, to holiness.
I am no longer ashamed of my past; I'm not ashamed of my testimony. It's not one I'm proud of. It's not something I suggest for anyone. But I am so thankful that God is changing my life of sin to a life of Love. I am thankful that my failures, He can use for His glory.
So don't get mired down in your past and think that God can't use a flawed vessel, because as you allow Him to mold you into His image, He'll change those flaws to perfection. Let your failures give hope to others, by them seeing your life, committed to God and consecrated to holiness. Let them see His love flowing through you. Let them feel the power of His presence by your actions. Don't let shame take over your heart. Instead, let your past shine out to show the beauty of God's forgiveness, love and acceptance!
But one thing that has really been heavily weighing on my mind is the world of Christianity and Jesus. It seems more and more that people are turned away from Christianity because, in their words, of the hypocrisy and hate. I, myself, have struggled with different issues amongst the Christian world, but fortunately, I've had my parents and a few rare friends that have been there to reboost my faith in Jesus and the people He calls His own.
It all started when I got pregnant with my oldest son. I was unmarried, young, no idea of what I was doing and struggling with my walk with Jesus. I won't mince words; I wasn't sure God even existed at the time. I think, in the back of my mind, I knew Jesus was real, but somewhere inside myself, to be honest, I don't know if I wanted Him to exist. I grew up in a community where it seemed hard to serve God. If I made a mistake, I was going to hell, etc. I don't want to elaborate on that, because that is a story for a different time. But in my mind, God was hard to please. God had no grace for sin, and most of all, it was "hard" to gain forgiveness from Him. That was my perspective!
So when I got pregnant with my son, I didn't want to tell anyone, because I knew the judgement would flow in, and I knew that what I'd done was wrong in the Christian world. I didn't want to face it. I was ashamed. I was ashamed of myself, my baby and the inappropriate relationship I had with my boyfriend, who is now my husband! The shame was overwhelming. I wanted to curl up in a ball and never open my eyes again. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to go away from everyone and just ignore the fact that 99% of my friends were Christians and I knew I'd be judged harshly.
I won't make it look pretty, or make excuses for myself, and what I did. It was wrong. But it's apart of my testimony. I had a few friends that have accepted me and loved me through my failures and it has moved mountains in my life. I don't think they even know the complete impact they've had me and my faith in God through all the struggles. As I've traveled through life since getting pregnant, I've seen God orchestrate something beautiful and I'm sure there's a lot more beauty He is going to reveal through my story. I've been able to talk to and encourage several young mothers who were single, pregnant and struggling. I've been able to encourage them and tell them my story. I've seen beauty rise from ashes. What satan meant for evil, God has changed around for good. Maybe it wasn't His perfect plan for me, (I know it wasn't!) but as I've allowed Him to change my heart through the situation, He's changed my testimony from darkness to light, from ashes, to glory, from sin, to holiness.
I am no longer ashamed of my past; I'm not ashamed of my testimony. It's not one I'm proud of. It's not something I suggest for anyone. But I am so thankful that God is changing my life of sin to a life of Love. I am thankful that my failures, He can use for His glory.
So don't get mired down in your past and think that God can't use a flawed vessel, because as you allow Him to mold you into His image, He'll change those flaws to perfection. Let your failures give hope to others, by them seeing your life, committed to God and consecrated to holiness. Let them see His love flowing through you. Let them feel the power of His presence by your actions. Don't let shame take over your heart. Instead, let your past shine out to show the beauty of God's forgiveness, love and acceptance!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Desolate Places
When I hear the words, "desolate places" I often think of dry desert, no life, being alone, quiet, almost an eeriness. But the other day, a whole new meaning to "desolate places" came to me.
We were driving home from a visit to my parents in Arkansas, and were driving through the plains of Oklahoma. There were no hills, barely any trees, just a sea of grass and a few cows here and there. I felt myself starting to get a bit anxious to just get home. There was nothing interesting to look at, my children were getting fussy, and I was getting impatient. My husband was taking a small nap in the back while I drove. There was simply nothing going on, but endless road. Then I felt a still, quiet voice say, "Peace. Be still."
It almost caught me off guard. I hadn't been praying, or to be honest, been thinking about God at all at the moment. I was just off in my own little world, thinking.
So I just relaxed a little and began to wonder what God was trying to speak. Then a few simple words came to me.
Desolate places bring:
1. Quiet
2. No distractions
3. Teaches patience and endurance
4. Peace (if we allow it)
5. Rest
When we find ourselves in a desolate place spiritually, maybe God is wanting to bring us where we don't have distractions and can just concentrate on our relationship with Him. He wants our full attention and He knows if our lives are busy, busy, busy all the time, then we could (and often will) loose sight of Him and His plan for our lives. There is peace all around us and if we allow it, it can bring healing to our hearts. We can be refilled and rejuvenated by His love, as we allow the quiet times to teach us patience and endurance. I know for me, I like a busy life, full of things to do, places to be, people to see. And so when God has me in a quiet place, a place of resting, I am often anxious and ready to get back to fast-paced life. I don't often understand why He has me in this place of no distractions. So if we allow it, God will teach us patience and endurance.
All of this boiled down to God telling me to appreciate every season He has me in. I would not have made it home if I hadn't been willing to drive through the desolate places in Oklahoma. So to get to our goal (Jesus!) we need to be willing to go through the highs of life and the lows of life. There is a purpose and plan for each situation. We can find God in each one and He will lead us through. We just have to trust in Him and understand that He sees the ultimate picture and knows the perfect way for us to make it Home to Him!
We were driving home from a visit to my parents in Arkansas, and were driving through the plains of Oklahoma. There were no hills, barely any trees, just a sea of grass and a few cows here and there. I felt myself starting to get a bit anxious to just get home. There was nothing interesting to look at, my children were getting fussy, and I was getting impatient. My husband was taking a small nap in the back while I drove. There was simply nothing going on, but endless road. Then I felt a still, quiet voice say, "Peace. Be still."
It almost caught me off guard. I hadn't been praying, or to be honest, been thinking about God at all at the moment. I was just off in my own little world, thinking.
So I just relaxed a little and began to wonder what God was trying to speak. Then a few simple words came to me.
Desolate places bring:
1. Quiet
2. No distractions
3. Teaches patience and endurance
4. Peace (if we allow it)
5. Rest
When we find ourselves in a desolate place spiritually, maybe God is wanting to bring us where we don't have distractions and can just concentrate on our relationship with Him. He wants our full attention and He knows if our lives are busy, busy, busy all the time, then we could (and often will) loose sight of Him and His plan for our lives. There is peace all around us and if we allow it, it can bring healing to our hearts. We can be refilled and rejuvenated by His love, as we allow the quiet times to teach us patience and endurance. I know for me, I like a busy life, full of things to do, places to be, people to see. And so when God has me in a quiet place, a place of resting, I am often anxious and ready to get back to fast-paced life. I don't often understand why He has me in this place of no distractions. So if we allow it, God will teach us patience and endurance.
All of this boiled down to God telling me to appreciate every season He has me in. I would not have made it home if I hadn't been willing to drive through the desolate places in Oklahoma. So to get to our goal (Jesus!) we need to be willing to go through the highs of life and the lows of life. There is a purpose and plan for each situation. We can find God in each one and He will lead us through. We just have to trust in Him and understand that He sees the ultimate picture and knows the perfect way for us to make it Home to Him!
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