Godly Choices

Life is full of choices. Every day, from the minute we wake up, to the minute we go to sleep, we're making choices, one after another.

Not all choices have bad consequences and not all choices have good consequences. For instance; we choose to get up out of bed and brush our teeth, do our hair, put a little make-up on (sometimes...if you're not a mom who has forgotten what it was like to even go to the bathroom alone, lol).

There aren't good or bad consequences to getting out of bed in the morning.

But there are choices in life that affect us in good and bad ways. Like, we could choose to drive our car too fast, causing a wreck or for someone to get injured.

There are choices we make every day that are very important to our lives and it's always a good thing to keep in the back of our minds this question: How will this choice that I'm making affect my life and the people around me? Our choices constantly affect others.

I've found that out the hard way. It breaks my heart and frustrates me to no end to know that a lot of my more recent choices have hurt some people, caused sleepless nights, tears and frustration.

Our choices affect US.

I think for us women, we tend to make choices flippantly, due to our emotions being on a never-ending high from hormones and who knows what else. We speak things, we think things, we do things that cause hurt to ourselves and to others. I'm talking to myself here, just as much as I am to whoever is reading this. I am constantly spouting my little mouth off, with whatever I am thinking at the moment. I often just run my thoughts and actions around before even pausing to think about the consequences of what I'm saying/doing. I let my excitement, frustration, anger, (whatever the "thing" may be at the time) just get ahead of me. So I am trying to teach myself to stop.

STOP and THINK. Think slowly. Think from others perspectives. Put myself in their shoes. Think with love and kindness. And I'm learning to *try* and never spout my mouth off in anger, ever. Because when I do that, I never, ever do it with love. I never pause to think of how my words are affecting others.

Our choices are important! What we say, do, think and act like can and will affect us, and those around us. So make godly choices. Try to slow down and not allow emotions and feelings get in the way of reality. And when there is a reason to be angry, don't go to bed on it. Deal with it. But do it in love, gentleness and kindness. God will bless you and He will help you with future choices. Also, don't beat yourself up when you do fail. We're human. But make every effort, when you do fail, to ask for forgiveness, make things right and choose again, to love.

Living with Guilt

There have been several situations in my life where I've been accused of things that I didn't say or do. It's happened over and over; but who hasn't had those situations?

Sometimes I've found myself wallowing in frustration, despair and even anger, because of some of the accusations against me. I find myself wanting to make sure everyone is aware of my innocence. I find myself very defensive and trying to make my image look good; to clear my name.

Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth. Sometimes they just refuse to even try to hear the truth. They believe what they believe and just won't have anything to do with actual facts. To them, knowing the truth isn't important. Sometimes, I think if they knew the truth, then their image would be tarnished and they don't want that...and they know that if they accept the truth, then they'd be admitting to a mistake on their part.

It can be frustrating, right? When you know you've done nothing wrong and the person is refusing to hear the truth?

Well, I have at least 2 situations in my life right now that are like that. I have people believing things about me that are just not true. But something I came to grips with a few months ago and that I have to keep reminding myself of is this:

1. One day the truth really will be known, whether it's here on earth, or when they face God in heaven.

2. God knows the truth and that is all that really matters.

3. I have done everything I can do make things work...to love the other person(s) and for the things I did do wrong, to make them right. (Apologizing and promising to be different).


When a person refuses to forgive, or let the other person move on, it's a loss for them. I have had to learn to not live with guilt. In one of these situations, I DID do something wrong...I said some things that were not godly, that were not thoughtful, and were mean and ugly. When I realized where I went astray, I tried apologizing and making things right with the person I wronged. But the apology (from what I can tell) was not taken well at all.

I often sit around trying to figure out what else I did, or feeling guilty for what I did wrong. Often the guilt drives me crazy, because I feel like I messed up a relationship that could have been completely awesome. I feel guilty over and over and over again. I have literally let it drive a wedge between my husband and I at times. I have let the guilt and frustration take over.

But the other day, when I was praying about the whole situation, God reminded me that HE forgave me. That I had come to Him, asked His forgiveness and had done everything in my power to make things right. He reminded me that what was important was the forgiveness I had received from HIM. I was so thankful for that reminder, because what matters is that I'm right with God...not humans. It's good to find forgiveness with the humans in your life; not saying that we shouldn't seek forgiveness from the people we wrong. We should, most assuredly. But seeking God's forgiveness and love is what counts.

God told me that to live with the guilt after asking for His forgiveness is to live as if His forgiveness meant nothing to me.

So when you do something wrong, make sure you make it right with the person you wronged. Ask for God's forgiveness. Then move on! Even if the other person doesn't choose to forgive, you can live with freedom of conscience, know you've done the right thing and that God is pleased with you.

Choosing Joy

Lately my life has been, lets say, challenging. Things seem to just keep happening that cause stress in my family's everyday life. It's been one thing after another.

This past week alone has held a serious eye injury for me, a car wreck that my husband was in, a loss of a job, our rent paycheck bouncing because our bank decided to take a gas charge out that had been charged over a month ago (for some reason it "slipped thru the cracks" and didn't actually post; we learned our lesson. Document every single charge we make on our debit card so we know exactly what we have in the bank). Then another bill saying we owed literally 5x the amount that was really due. Yeah, we did finally get it fixed, but only after spending literally 4 hours on the phone with the company, plus lots of stress and frustration. Then another bill from our apartment complex, saying we owed fees for something that we don't owe. Then, even small things like breaking a glass on the carpet, shattering small shards everywhere... I have two small children who play on this floor all day, every day. Yes, I was a panicked mother. Then my hubby's last pair of good jeans getting a huge rip on them.  And then on top of all of that, my two year old son has had a fever for the past 3 days, and my 8 month old daughter has decided that she is a night owl and refuses to sleep at night. In fact, right now she is fussing, in her swing. It's 12:28 am...she still hasn't slept at all tonight. LOL

So there is my past week in a nutshell. My life has been like this; maybe not quite as intense like this past week, but I don't think I'd be exaggerating to say that it's been crazy like this for at least 2 years now. Literally.

So often I want to crumble. I want to just break down in tears, and sometimes I do! Sometimes I just wanna go bury my head in the sand and imagine that the world doesn't exist. Sometimes I dream of going to sit on some beach somewhere, way far away, with just my small family (or maybe just my hubby? Grandparents can babysit the kids, right?) . I want a sun-hat, a beach umbrella, some suntan lotion, a towel and a good, good book. Maybe that Ina May Gaskin birthing book I've been wanting to read for almost 3 years now. I'd like to have a huge jug full of ice cold lemonade with those pretty little umbrella "toothpicks" they put in drinks sometimes. And maybe a good long nap. Like a nap that lasts a week. :)

But then again, time and money for that doesn't exist. So what do I do? What are my options? My brain often thinks about this. My options are few, but at least that keeps my tired brain from having to think too much about what I should do. Here are my choices:

1) Crumble. Have no faith in God. Get angry. Turn inward. Give up.

2) Choose joy. Choose faith in a God who never lets me down. Be peaceful. (let me just say here; I'm no angel when it comes to any of this. Trust me. Or ask my poor hubby who has to deal with my mini break melt downs.) Keep going and best of all; find positive in everything. Also, when and where you can, encourage others.

Now, for me, I have made both of those choices. The first one is real easy to "choose." That is the more natural one for me. It's really easy for me to just give up. But when I find myself stooping to those low choices, either my hubby, or one of my parents, or a friend will remind me to snap out of it and choose the life of Love, Joy and Peace.  It's challenging, no doubt. But I'd rather challenge myself to be a follower of Jesus, than fall into self-pity and faithlessness.

Jesus never said this life would be easy. He never said we wouldn't have obstacles. He never said we wouldn't cry, or have problems. But what He did promise is that He would be faithful to walk beside us, to encourage us, and even carry us when we can't put our foot in front of the other. He is faithful. He loves us and He will never cease to amaze me with His awesomeness.

Ok, so now that I told a lot of negative, I want to share what God did to bless me, and to prove to me His never failing love and blessings!

First off, He provided a free ticket for me to be able to attend the PINK Impact 2013 that my church is preparing for April.
My husband got accepted into college with the full amount of financial aid provided!
With a bill that we "owed" 5x the real amount; God worked it out where our account ended up being credited over $100 towards our next bill!!!! So our next bill is already taken care of. Amazing, right?

Anyways...God is good. He will bless those who put their trust in Him. So keep trusting. Keep following. Keep loving. Never, ever give up!

Finding Peace

Lately, life has been throwing some curve balls at me that were totally not expected and ones that are totally not wanted. It's one of those times in life that you wonder, "what did I do to deserve this?" 

I just have to keep reminding myself about Job and how God allowed satan to test him, and in the end, he came out stronger. I can only hope that I'll be as strong in God as Job and be able to come out on top of this, a better person and wiser.

Finding peace can be hard when your life is being tossed around, and there is no security in your every day life. Humans value security more than I ever realized. I'm the type of person to dislike change, extremely dislike change. But lately my life has been full of change. In the past 4 years, I have left a church that I spent nearly 17 years at, (thus leaving all I knew and loved; friends, family and, yes, security). Then I went to Bible college, then I left Bible college, got married, moved up to Chicago where my husband was training for a career in the military, had a baby, moved to San Diego, CA, hubby got injured, left the military, moved to another place in CA, then moved back to Texas, and hubby has had 3 different jobs in the past 4 months, just trying to make ends meet.

In other words, my life has had no security, or "settling."  Oh, and I've had another baby on top of all that. *please don't judge us having two children with all this insecurity. It was not intended, but we DO welcome our little ones and love them with all our hearts.

Life can be really stressful, but in the midst of all that, there can be peace..

Where you ask?

In Jesus. And trust me, it's not always easy to find it in Him. He makes it easy, but it's me, personally, that often forgets to run to His comforting arms. I am often looking for comfort and peace from my husband, or my kids, or my parents. But more often than not, that just causes more upheaval and discord in my heart.

I'm trying to learn to turn to Jesus and find comfort in Him. Listening for his still, small voice can be a challenge at times when the winds of life are whipping around us, but when I calm myself long enough to listen for it, His voice comes like a cool, soother to my heart. And it is then, that I find peace.

Learning To Love the Sinner

Lately there has been a lot of controversy in the Christian and secular world over gays and lesbians and "rights" etc. I've been thinking about it all, because I've seen a lot of judgmental comments and a lot of hate, even. It's amazed me, because the Bible says that Jesus came to save the sinners, not the people who are perfect in their own minds.

Yes, I've watched Ellen DeGeneres. I've listened to Adam Lambert. I've talked and associated with gays and lesbians. I don't agree with what they're doing, and I feel God has shown me a better way to live my life. I believe in a marriage between a man and woman. But as I've watched a lot of my fellow Christians post and talk about this subject, I've gotten the impression that a lot of them want to "preach" to these people that they're going to hell and that God hates their actions.

I don't know if that is the appropriate way to approach them.

Sometimes when a person is confronted in their sin, in a direct, "you better repent now, or you're gonna die and go to hell" way, their defenses go way up and they won't even hear a word you're saying.

I'll give an example; when  woman/girl who has grown up in an abusive home, being yelled at, hit on and beaten, most likely later on in life, if she is in a room with loud voices, or a hand raises (even if it's not to hit her) she will cringe, move away and be defensive.

It's the same with when we're confronting someone in their sin, or talking to them about something that might should be changed in their lives. If we confront them with threats, or with "you're a sinner, you're going to hell", they're most likely going to clam up, shut your voice down and not hear a word you're saying. And they know that most Christians think of them as horrible sinners, so they tend to avoid them. And when they come face to face with one, they will automatically assume that they're going to be preached at and condemned to hell.

I wish I could see more Christians being accepting and loving of those who are gays and lesbians, because how are we going to reach them, if they don't feel love?  Once I heard an interview Ellen DeGeneres had with a pastor. She was very defensive and said something to the effect that she knew Christians didn't like her and that she avoided them. That is so sad. SO sad. Why are we, as Christians, making ourselves distanced from the ones that we should be loving and ministering to?

Jesus didn't avoid the sinners...He went to them, on their level and met them there. He didn't shrink away from them. He didn't condemn them to hell or preach at them with a "harsh reality check." He ministered to them out of love. He spoke gently. Think about it for a moment; the woman who was caught in adultery was about to be stoned. Jesus said to the men about to stone her, "You who has no sin, cast the first stone." Not one of them could cast a stone. Then he called the woman to himself and said, "Go, sin no more."

That was the end of it. No words of "You're so horrible. You've slept with so many guys. You're dirty. You're going to hell."

I don't know, but those are just my thoughts on the matter. I want to be able to reach the world with love, not condemnation. I want to be able to minister to those who need Jesus. I want to go to their level and love them where they're at, not where I think they're supposed to be. I want my example to shine a light so bright that they can see where Jesus wants them. I want to love them with the Love of Jesus, so they can feel acceptance and feel the strength to change their ways and become what Jesus wants of them.

Blessings~

*PS. Please don't take this wrongly. I DO believe that God doesn't approve of marriages between two men or two women. I believe God wants them to see His way. But I do believe that we, as Christians, need to stop judging them and start loving them with Christ's love.  If you feel something different, please share, but I DO NOT want this to start an argument. I am not saying my thoughts or ways are right. I am just doing what I feel God wants of ME. I am not saying this is for everyone. Thank you!

Trusting God

I have not always been a great Christian. I have not always had faith. I have not always trusted God. I have had my rebellious moments. I have had my rude moments. I have had my anger moments. I have said things that shouldn't have been said. I have done things that I shouldn't have done.

Something inside me has questioned over and over if I've gone too far, and if God could really use a woman like me. Deep inside, I know that God wants to be in my life and that He wants to use me. But then the human, doubting part of my mind, wonders why He'd even want to use a woman like me. But lately, as I've been thinking my life, and praying that God would help me serve Him in the way He wants, I've noticed several things.

God used David, who was an adulterer and murderer.
God used a prostitute.
God used a man with a speech impediment. 
God used Peter, a liar.

God can use anyone who wants to be used by Him. I mean, if He can use a donkey to speak to someone, then He can certainly use someone who is willing.

So as time has gone on, and I've thought about my past and who I used to be and the things I've done that I'm not proud of, I ask God how He can use my failures to bring glory to Him. I ask Him how I can minister to others through the things I've learned through my mistakes.

One of the big things that sticks out to me is how little I've trusted God, and because of my lack of faith, I've done things on my own to just "do" instead of asking Him what He wants of me.  An example that got me thinking about this was something that happened the other day. My 1 1/2 year old son ran out ahead of me while we were outside on our front porch area. I was running to catch up with him, trying to make it to him before he reached the stairs. But, he made it there before me. He took one "big boy step" down one step and then tumbled down the other six steps. As I ran up, he was tumbling down and every time he'd roll up, his beautiful brown eyes would look pleadingly at me, to make him stop. But there was nothing I could do to stop it. His choice to wrench his hand out of mine and run ahead of me caused him some pain. (He was not injured severely...just a couple of small bruises). It broke my heart to watch him fall and tumble. I tried to reach out to him, but was unable to do anything for him.

After that incident, I remember praying and asking God to make me a better mother. To help me raise my children for His glory and to know what to do for them. I remember the feeling of helplessness I had, and it caused me to stop and think about God and how He feels towards us.

It must hurt Him so much when He sees us wrench ourselves away from His loving grasp and run out ahead of Him. It must break His heart when we don't trust His guiding and helping hand. 

Then I thought about how much He must love us and want us to trust Him. I know the deep ache I had in my heart as my poor little son tumbled down those stairs. I wanted to protect him, to hug him, to hold him close and soothe the hurts he had and to wipe away his tears that coursed down his rugged cheeks. How much more so must God want to take care of us, to soothe our hearts and our troubled minds? How much more so must God want to hold us in His loving arms and wipe away our tears of frustration, doubt and fear?

His love for us is endless. His arms are always open wide to us, waiting for us to come to Him, to trust Him and to let Him guide us. When we allow ourselves to be free in Him, then we can trust whatever plan He has for us.  Sometimes His plan doesn't make sense. Sometimes, from our point of view, things are just going wrong and that He just doesn't care. So we get up in our minds and run off, trying to do things our own way, and in the process of doing that, we make a huge mess of things.  If we could see what He sees, I know we'd see a perfect plan all laid out, each puzzle piece having a perfect fit.  Sometimes He wants us to go through trials that we don't understand just so He can show us just how awesome and wonderful He is! He sometimes just wants to test us to see if we're going to trust Him in everything. Sometimes He will allow trials and tribulations to come into our lives to see how we're going to respond. And He does it all to show us that we CAN trust Him. And then, later on in our lives, as we come across more doubts and fears, we can remind ourselves of all the things God has brought us through already and then relax, knowing that a huge God, who really does care, is still caring and taking great care to make sure that we are protected.

God will never leave us, nor will He forsake us. Let us never forget that! And I pray that we will always trust Him with everything, because He really does know what is best...even if we can't see or understand why it is best. He sees the future and only He can see that, so we might as well trust Him with it!

Blessings~