Christian vs. Following Jesus

A lot has been going on in our lives lately; a job change and one unexpected expense. I don't normally talk about this, because it's our personal life, but I want to share just a little bit, because it plays a part in what I really want to talk about.

For the past 4 years or so of my life, I've struggled with "Christianity." I have run into a lot of people who claim to be Christian, then lie to me, lie about me, are rude, unkind, judgmental, etc.

So during this change in our lives with jobs and an unexpected pregnancy, we needed a little bit of help during the change. So we contacted a church to see if we could get some help. They were more than willing to help, but as time went on, things started getting out of hand. Though we only asked for help once, the judging began. Words spewed about how my hubby must be lazy, that I was a bad mom, that I should give my baby up for adoption, that we were irresponsible, etc. None of which were or are true. Just because we needed a little help financially for one month doesn't make us lazy or bad parents! And all this was coming from a benevolence team with a church.

Now maybe it's my fragile state of mine with my pregnancy, the change of jobs and financial issues and my past with "Christians," that is causing me to be so extremely sensitive to this. I have a choice; to forgive, love, accept and move on, or I can be angry, frustrated, even vengeful. Right now, to be honest, I'm in between the two. I'm struggling. I feel pulled to the wrong side, and my human nature wants to say, "I'm justified in the way I feel. These people are being mean. They're rude. They're judging me and my family wrongly." But the Jesus in me says, "Just love. Just forgive. Just let Me deal with this." My human side wants to send an email to these people and let them have it. The Jesus side of me wants to send a Thank you card for all the help we have received and just be thankful.  Oh the war within!

I have run into many people who have been completely turned away from Christians and the church for things similar to this. Why is that? Why is the church so judgmental? Where are the people trying to be like Jesus? And I mean the ones who are really striving to be like Him, not just attending church on Sunday's and praying a prayer over their meals every day. It's really bad when time after time you run into people unsure of how to respond to Christians, be around them and some of them just downright don't want anything to do with them. I'll be honest. Some of the nicest, most accepting and giving people are those who say they're not Christians. Some of them are even Atheists.

When people ask me if I'm a Christian, I normally respond with a "No." But I quickly follow that with, "I just try to follow Jesus. I try to do what He wants of me. I fail. I make mistakes. I'm human. But I try my best and when I fail, I ask for forgiveness and move on!"

Jesus wants us to respond in love to others. It's sometimes hard. It's not always roses and chocolate to be a Jesus follower. With those roses, there are thorns. With the chocolate, there might be some bitterness. But what counts is that we allow the roughness to help polish our weak spots and to help us shine brighter so people can see Jesus.