Facing Our Fears

The past two days have been overly stressful, but beyond beautiful.

Numerous things have happened, and I've felt like a ping-pong ball just bouncing back and forth between two hard places, and never finding a resting place. My heart was constantly on "high" and my spirit just couldn't rest. Between spending a night in Labor and Delivery with my 3rd pregnancy, experiencing excruciating pain, and not finding out what the problem was, to some more unexpected crunches, financially, I just was stretched as thin as it comes emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I found my attitude getting worse and worse. I couldn't control my emotions, I felt unable to hold in my frustration. And my past came tumbling into my mind faster and faster until I felt suffocated by it. Then I became discouraged with that, because I thought I was "over that" and "moved on." Well, at least with those particular memories. Instead, I discovered I had been pushing them behind, and refusing to think about them, and all along, that's just what it was. I hadn't really left behind those feelings and thoughts. They were just pushed below the surface so deep, I didn't realize the anger was still there.

So yesterday, I was sitting with a couple of beautiful, sweet hearted ladies, and they were just wanting to talk to me about something. I found myself getting like a volcano. Everything that came out of their mouths seemed to attack me. (When in all reality, it was just my perception of them that was scewed by my own anger and frustration from my past.) I remember thinking, "I just can't do this anymore and wanted to bolt from the room. But thankfully, my hubby was there, and reassured me that everything really was ok, and just listen. (Anyone that knows me, knows that I don't shut my mouth as often as I should. I speak before I think...something I am REALLY working hard at changing. But I'm nowhere near being perfect yet. There's grace for being human, right?)

Once I stopped to hear what they had to say, I found out that everything I thought they were saying was just to clear up some misunderstandings, and that they were ultimately wanting to bless us in a way that was beyond our dreams or expectations.

Of course, I then sat in shame, and starting bawling like a little girl. How could God love me and accept me even when my perspective of Him and His people was so messed up? 

I felt God speaking to me that the reason He could love me is because His pespective of ME is that He created me, that I am His child, and that tho I may get lost along the way, He is still right there to pick me up, and carry me back to safety. It amazes me the love He has for us, for me! He reaches down into our lowly place and brings us up to His holy place. He carries us when we're weak and loves on us even tho we don't deserve it.

This is a quote I saw right after my "break down" and finally let a little crack open to allow love to flow in.

It's time to get back up & keep pressing on. Just because you stumbled or fell over doesn't mean you're disqualified. It means you're human. Christine Caine

We don't have to stay in our lowly place. We just need to realize we are human. We make mistakes. We judge wrongly. Our failures do not disqualify us from God's love. He'll love us through thick and thin. 

So keep pressing on. Don't let your fears hold you back. Don't let your imperfections cause you to feel disqualified from the calling God has on your life. Because God uses us humans to move His kingdom forward.