Your Past Does Not Disqualify You

I have never come out right and said this, because honestly, I've been ashamed, frustrated and even angry at myself for my past. But this past week, something someone said to me made me feel free to share this in a more public way.

I got pregnant before I was married.

There, it's out. Judge me, hate me, damn me to hell. But hear me out. :)

I left a community that was quite controlling and hurtful, and when I left, my perspective of God was very messed up. To me, he was controlling, he sent everyone to hell, unless they were perfect, etc, etc. After I left, I went to a Bible college and had some very good experiences. But several things started getting in the way of my discovering who God really is. I would get confused by all the different speakers coming in to "guest speak" and their different ideas on what a real Christian is supposed to be like. I found myself getting angrier and angrier at people and at God. Why couldn't someone just TELL me who God is, and leave it at that, instead of giving their ideas and thoughts on the matter?!

So I left the college with my boyfriend who was also confused, hurt and struggling with the whole "Who is God" thing. After we left, we drew closer, and our hearts were hurting for love. We just wanted acceptance. And where did we find that? We found it in intimacy with each other. That intimacy resulted in pregnancy.

I have been ashamed of myself since that day. I hid my pregnancy, I didn't want to tell people. And for the most part, baring the rare, sweet few, I was judged and shunned. Even hated.

Then the other day, I was speaking with a leader in our church and I told her our story. I was hesitant, worried she was going to discount me and judge me. Her words surprised me and made me feel happy! She said, "Oh, that's normal. Not that it's what God wants, but it's normal. We have many men and women who are leaders in this church who did the same exact thing. Your past sin does not disqualify you from the calling God has on your life. God will use those issues in your life to help others."

What healing, exciting, comforting, exhilarating words!

Be encouraged! your past does not dictate to you who you are now, or what your future holds. It does not dictate how much God loves you. Let your past push you forward to encourage others, love others, accept others. Let God use your past for your good and others good. Your past does not disqualify you from His anointing, or His blessings!