Finding Peace

I'm pregnant with my 3rd child. This pregnancy came a surprise, since we definitely weren't trying, and were on birth control to prevent it.

So when I missed a monthly, I panicked. I told my husband that I needed a test and so he ran to the store to get one. Sure enough it was positive. My husband was in such disbelief that he ran to another store to get a different kind, just to see if it had the same result.

Sure enough: Positive.

I'm pretty sure I sat in my bathroom for a few minutes, in complete shock as I watched the "Positive" blinking at me on the test's screen. My heart was pounding in my ears and I felt a complete wave of frustration and was almost a bit angry at God. Why me? Why now?

Mind you, I love my two children. I wanted more children, but not right now.

I came out of my bathroom and called to my husband, "Honeyyyyyy!!!" He came around the corner and his face blanched when he saw my face. I don't remember if I told him I was pregnant or not, but the look on my face told it all. We just stood there, hugged and I cried. He kept patting me on the back and rubbing my shoulders, telling me it was going to be ok, that God knew all about it and it must be meant to be.

It took me a long time to even smile about it. I felt overwhelmed. It took me 3 weeks after that to even bring myself to tell people. There are circumstances in our life we wanted to get settled before having another baby. My husband is going to college to get his degree and he wanted to graduate. We wanted to buy a house, build some relationships/friendships so we'd have people to celebrate with us besides just a "Congratulations" posted on Facebook. (Please, no offense to anyone who tells us that! We appreciate every comment. It's just with our last two babies we have had no family or friends around us to come see the first baby, or celebrate in any way due to being in the military and moving 1 month before the birth of our second baby.)

So as the weeks have passed, 14 to be exact, I have come to a place where, when I start feeling overwhelmed about being pregnant, I turn to God and thank Him for this little life growing within me. God is always the giver of life. In the Bible it says, "Children are a blessing from God." Children really are a blessing. They're a lot of work. They turn life upside down and all around. Nothing ever goes as planned (unless you happen to be Mama Perfect...and if you find her, please let me know. I need tips...LOL). The house is pretty much never all clean at the same time, unless company is coming, and then it's just because the kids are locked in highchairs and play-yards. It takes 45 minutes to get out the door, and even then, something is normally forgotten. For me, it's normally, "oops, I forgot to brush my hair." Or, "I forgot to get the extra diapers."

Motherhood is a blessing. But often we allow ourselves to get out of the place of peace. We strive to be perfect, and have every strand of hair in place, or every crumb brushed off the floor, or every piece of laundry finished. Then, when it doesn't happen, we beat ourselves up over it and stress ourselves out trying to "get there." Just remember, when you go to your friends house and everything seems perfect and in place, it's either because she hired a maid to help, or she really just stuffed things places, grabbed all that laundry lying by the washer and put it in the wash, quickly loaded the dishwasher (but the dishes are still dirty) and who knows what else. Don't compare yourself to others. Think about what makes your family (especially your husband) happy and what makes you happy. If you can be happy with little smudges on the glass and maybe a couple of crumbs on the floor and toys scattered places, a pile of laundry not yet finished and a toilet left unscrubbed, then be happy. If there are things that nag at you, and cause you to focus on what's not done yet, make those priority. Allow yourself to find that place of peace. Once you find it, try to stay there.

Motherhood is wonderful. Never, ever forget that! :)