Questioning Yourself

I have found I question myself a lot.

Am I parenting right? Am I good wife? Do I spend enough time with my kids? Am I trying to be a good friend? Am I too judgmental? Do I love God enough? Am I in love with God? Is my life right with God? What am I doing wrong?

And on and on and on.

I think if we take a moment to pause and think about our lives, we will find that our life is consumed with questioning ourselves, our life, our motives, and our thoughts.

And a lot of times, we look to others for approval, love, acceptance and to tell us we mean something to them, or to the world. We compare ourselves to others..."Well, she has nice hair. She always dresses so nice. Her kids look perfect. Her house is perfect. Her marriage seems so peaceful. She seems so in love with God. She's doing so much for God and people. She's such a good friend." And on and on.

But the scale we need to be comparing ourselves to is God. What does He think of us? Is He pleased? Is He happy with what we're doing?

We often bring judgmental questions to our thoughts too, "Am I good enough for God? Does He love me? Does He accept me?" We find ourselves trying to do things to please God, so we'll be found acceptable to Him.

But God isn't worried about our hair, our clothes, our house, our kids (how they look, if they have dirty faces, or dirt in between their toes), or what kind of job we have. He cares about those things tho. He wants the best for His children. He wants US happy. He wants our children to feel peace. But that isn't what pleases Him.

Today, as I was having a conversation with my Pops (dad), I found myself trying to prove myself to him, trying to make sure he was happy with me, wanting to impress him somehow. What earthly child doesn't want their parents to be proud? Often times we feel like we just fail people and cause them disappointment. I know I do. I know I often sit and mull over all the bad decisions I have made in life, knowing how it affected my parents and crushed them, and wish I could go back and fix it all...make it all better and change what I've done. But there's no going back. And that "no going back" hurts a lot when someone just wants that someone important in their lives to just be happy and pleased with them.

I often find myself sitting and trying to figure out how to please God too. I think about all the good things I want to do, all the people I want to help, all the things I want to do when I have money to go places and do things for people (meals for the sick, helping the A21 Campaign, throwing baby showers, wedding showers, sponsoring people for missions trips, etc) I spend time reading my Bible and studying books on God. I listen to music that is "holy" and "good." I keep trying to please God. I keep trying to do something to win His approval.

I'm not saying I've found the solution to not worrying about how to act that will please God. But I do know that He's not worried about our "acts." He wants our hearts to be pure, holy, fully committed to Him, to love Him and appreciate the sacrifice He made for us.

I hope this encourages someone, because I know that it seems to be a rampant struggle among women wanting to serve God. We need to just keep loving Him and doing what we feel Him leading our hearts to do. God loves us. His love is high, deep, wide and all around. Just relax and know He is there and loves us for who we are.